It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric  expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original  and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories 
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories 
PUTTING ON A CONDOM: 
With an erection....................... 6 Calories 
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories 
PRELIMINARIES: 
Trying to find the hot spot............ 8 Calories 
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories   
POSITIONS: 
Missionary............................. 12 Calories 
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories 
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories  Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories 
Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories 
Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories   
ORGASMING: 
Real................................... 112 Calories 
False.................................. 315 Calories   
POST ORGASM: 
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories 
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories 
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
IF YOU ARE: 
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories 
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories 
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories 
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories 
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories 
70 and over......................  Results are still pending   
DRESSING AFTERWARDS: 
Calmly................................. 32 Calories 
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories 
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories 
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories