What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
  A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
  The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  Anyone can roast beef.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
  They're trying to get away from the noise.

Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years .... then we met.