ochoop17's Blog

What is the second largest city in Utah ?

Forward Im Heavy Backward Im Not. what am I?

This old man visits his doctor

and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

Patient: OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???

Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

Who had an album titled "Genius + Soul =Jazz" ?

OK- You are the bus driver.

The bus driver goes to the first stop and picks up three kids.

Then the bus driver goes to the second stop and picks up five.

The bus driver goes to the third stop and picks up two.

At the fourth, he drops of three,

At the fifth, he picks up one,

At the sixth, he drops off four,

And at the very last stop, the bus driver picks up two.

Now, by figuring all the math, what was the color of the bus
driver's eyes?

The perfect husband

There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500.00" "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..." "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000..." "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." "How much are they asking?" "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye... I do too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

David Seth Kotkin is better known by what name ?

Why do lions eat raw meat?

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.
*
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
*
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
*
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are
born and after they are dead.
*
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes
hours.
*
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
*
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in
conversation.
*
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth
will do more damage.
*
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
*
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the
paper.
*
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
*
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
*
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
*
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
*
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving
devices of today.
*
YAWN: An honest Opinion openly expressed.
*
WRINKLES: Something other people have.
You have character lines.

IN literature, who rode with Don Quixote ?

  Rearrange the letters in the word, "new door", to make one word.

The rhinoceros has three,four or five toes on each foot ?

I have no voice and yet I speak to you, I tell of all things in the world that people do. I have leaves, but I am not a tree, I have pages, but I am not a bride or royalty. I have a spine and hinges, but I am not a man or a door, I have told you all, I cannot tell you more. What am I?

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic downturn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!