ochoop17's Blog

Who became the first American women to win the Nobel Peace Prize ?

Pronounced as one letter,
And written with three,
Two letters there are,
And two only in me.
I'm double, I'm single,
I'm black, blue, and gray,
I'm read from both ends,
And the same either way.
What am I?

Teacher: "Who were the first human beings?"
     
      Christian Student: "Adam and Eve."
     
      Teacher: "And what religion was this Adam and Eve?"
     
      Student: "Communist, of course."
     
      Teacher: "And how do you know that they were Communist?"
     
      Student: "Easy, they had no roof over their heads, no clothes to wear, and only one apple between them, yet they still called it paradise!"

In __, the nation 's first successful silver mill begin operation near _____, Nev.

What is it a man stands up to do, a woman sits down to do, and a dog holds out his leg to do?

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body."

For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow's butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. "Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you," the professor says.

Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson... "Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow's butt, and I sucked on my index finger... Now, learn to pay attention."

The moral: Life's tough, but it's even tougher when you're stupid

_________,the apparent first victim of " Jack the Ripper.

I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will,
And yet I am the confidence of all,
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.

What am I?

This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

What group had a hit in the 1960's with " Leader of The Pack " ?

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the busdriver. As they’re driving along, he sings, "If my daddy was a bull and my mommy was a cow, then I’d be a little bull."
Annoyed, the busdriver tells the little boy to sit down, but the little boy continues, "If my daddy was a stag and my mommy was a deer, I’d be a little stag." The busdriver, tells the boy to shut up, but the little boy keeps singing, "If my daddy…" The busdriver suddently turns around and asks, "What if your daddy was gay and your mommy was a hooker?" The little boy then begins singing, "If my daddy was gay and my mommy was a hooker, then I’d be a busdriver."

Sonny Jurgensen ended his football career with what team ?

I was born a never ending day, with no wings but I can fly. I do not have eyes but I can watch beyond the horizon. I can change everything. I can make the biggest thing, small  and the smallest thing, big. I have the power to improve everything, but I cannot remain still, the stillness is not for me. But, do not think that I am that restless, I need to rest sometimes and wake up again. But I do not go away, I stay as the bud of the flower before dawn, waiting for the sun, filling everything to give sense and color to this life that without me, would be like a withered flower. I am fully conscious of  all the dreams that you have and have not lived and of the love that you will have and will not have and thanks to me, you will live. I have talents to show, I even can get ahead of time. I am the source of the source, the life of the life, and said in a simple way, I am the largest thing in your whole reality. Who am I ?

Bob and Nancy were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After 50 years, Bob wanted to know if Nancy was always faithful. Bob asked, "Have you ever cheated on me?"

Nancy replied, "Yes, three times."

"What?!", yelled Bob, "When?"

Nancy said, "Remember when the septic tank flooded back in ’69 and we couldn’t afford to fix it? I convinced the plumber to fix it for free."

"And?" Nancy said, "Remember when you needed heart surgery in ’75 and we didn’t have insurance? I had the doctor treat you for free."

"And the third time?"

"Do you remember when you ran for mayor back in ’89 and you were behind by 200 votes..."