ochoop17's Blog

What is four to the fifth power?

Take away my first letter; take away my second letter; take away all my letters, and I would remain the same. What am I?

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right"
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: "The sheep's a liar"

What is the monetary unit of Brazil ?

A woman went to visit her bank manager and she took her young daughter with her. The bank manager said that the womans daughter could stay with his secretary during the meeting. When the woman and her daughter left, the secretary turned to the other secretary and said to her, "That little girl was my daughter." How could that be?

A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him.

The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.

Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?"

The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?"

The kid said, "Yep."

"Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled.

The kid replied, "You have to cuss it."

The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years."

With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya."

Who was the shortest President of the U.S. ?

What is it a man stands up to do, a woman sits down to do, and a dog holds out his leg to do?

About men :

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one
Around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their
Luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off
If the women leaves them.

7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their
Mistakes and still try their luck with others.


About Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
Clothes.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something
To wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
Beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just
'An old rag'.

6. Although their clothes are always 'just an old rag', they still
Expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't
Believe you 

How many times has the U.S. Constitution been amended ?

Why don't skeletons go out on the town?

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the heavens, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

When was the last time the World Series was the best of nine games ?

All the electricity was out in town and none of the street lights or traffic signals had power. A dark limousine was cruising down the newly paved blacktop with its headlights off. A young boy dressed totally in black (with no reflectors) stepped out to cross the street. The moon wasn?t out and the boy had no flashlight yet the driver stopped to let the boy cross the street. How did the driver see the boy?

10/27

 

Q: Why did God create Adam before he created Eve? A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.