ochoop17's Blog

What can be heard and caught but never seen?

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"

My sea has no water, my mountains have no rock, and my land has no grass. what am I?

 Man goes to the doctors and says ‘doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !’ Doctor replies ‘do you drink much ?’ Man says ‘no, I spill most of it !

What is  that you will break even when you name it?

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him.

Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?”

The old man whispered back, “Easy. I told her I was 90

What starts with “p” and ends with “orn” and is the hottest part of the movie industry?

ear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
       
       Love, Your $on.
       
       The Reply:
       
       Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
       
       Love, Dad

What do you throw out when you want to use it but take in when you don't want to use it?

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

"Yeah, except today is the last night."

A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains.

 A blonde applies for a job. The boss says, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?" The blonde says, "In three months."

What is the biggest ant in the world?

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."