ochoop17's Blog

June 21, 1834: Cyrus Hall _______receives a patent for his _______ machine.

What does this mean?  . . . . . . . . 

A guy was grocery shopping around the corner at the Safeway Supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said: “I hope I haven’t made you feel uncomfortable – it’s just that you look so much like my late son.” “Oh, that’s ok,” he said. “I know it’s silly,” she continued, “but if you called out ‘Goodbye, Mother’ as I leave, it would make me ever so happy.” The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out “Goodbye Mother.” The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled. Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone’s day the man went to pay for his groceries. “That’ll be 105 dollars 35,” said the clerk. “How come?” inquired the man. “I’ve only bought a few things “Yeah, but your mother said you’d pay for her”

June 18, 1873: Suffragist _____________ is found guilty by a judge in __________, N.Y.,of breaking the law by casting a vote in the 1872 presidential election.

Place a quarter and a dime in the middle of a table. Can you take the dime and place it under the quarter without touching the quarter with anything at all? How?

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in Monaghan's  flat in Dungarvan when Sean O'Toole loses €700 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen  brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael Lennon looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone's got to tell Sean's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws.  Cavan Colquhoun picks  the short one.  They tell him to be discreet and gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me', announces Cavan.

He goes over to O'Toole's  house and knocks on the door.  Brenda O'Toole answers and asks what he wants. Cavan declares: 'Your husband just lost €700 and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!'  snarls Brenda. 'I'll go tell him.' says Cavan.

June 15, 1902: __________, an express passenger train between New York and ______, begins service.

A comedian to both man and child
When it's time to play, I'm known to be wild.
I am recognized because of my looks
I'm not a comic when in comic books.

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!

June 12, 1939: Byron ______ wins the U.S. Open in a three-way playoff with Craig_____ and Denny _______.

When young, I am sweet in the sun. When middle-aged, I make you happy. When old, I am valued more than ever.

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

June 9, 19--: The federal government begins withholding ________ from paychecks.

At the sound of me, men may dream
Or stamp their feet,
At the sound of me, women may laugh
Or sometimes weep. Who am I?

Tom, the Commonwealth Gold Medal runner, was on his way to a bar with some friends.

At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said “Sorry, mate, you can’t come in here – no denim.”

Tom was quite annoyed at this and retorted, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Tom, the gold medal winner in 400m .”

“Then it won’t take you long to run home and change, will it?” replied the bouncer