ochoop17's Blog

At the insurance company I used to work for we had a claim on a man who needed
one of his legs amputated because of gangrene. Unfortunately the doctors cut off
the wrong leg. Then they had to go back and remove the other leg. The company
refused to pay the claim. The man sued. The judge threw the suit out of court
because the man didn't have a leg to stand on.

Feb. 16, 19--: The burial chamber of King _________recently unearthed tomb is unsealed in ________.

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours?

There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle. His servant came up to him and the captain said, "bring me my red shirt".

So, the servant did as the captain said.

After that the servant came up to the captain and said, Why did you say bring me my red shirt"?

The captain said, "Well if i get shot they won't see the blood.

The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, "There are 50 ships on the horizon."

The captain said, "Bring me my brown pants."

Feb. 12, 19-- : _______, the last emperor of China, abdicates, ending more than 2000 years of imperial rule.

I have many feathers to help me fly
I have a body & head, but i am not
alive
It is your strength which determines how far i go.
You can hold me
in your hand, but i am never thrown. What am i?

A study says that Washington, D.C. has the most traffic
congestion of any major city. People spend an extra 67 hours a year stuck in
traffic. Which is good because the longer we can keep members of Congress away
from work, the less money they can spend.

Feb. 10, 1763: France cedes Canada and _______ to England as the Treaty of ____ is signed, ending the ____ and Indian War.

In baseball, how many outs are there in an inning?

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies.  They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Feb. 6, 1899: The Treaty of ________ is ratified, whereby Spain cedes Cuba, Puerto Rico Guam and _____to the United States for $-- million.

What question can you never honestly answer yes to?

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

Feb. 3, 19--: The Soviet probe ______ becomes the first man-made object to land on the _____.

What 7 letter word becomes longer when the third letter is removed?