ochoop17's Blog

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

Feb.--, 1881: Kansas bans the manufacture and sale of _______ _______.

I have four legs a foot and a head. What am I?

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

Feb.16, 1959:_________ becomes premier Of Cuba a month and a half after the overthrow of ________.

I have a sound that goes beep, and while the time I do keep, my main function is to heat.

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

Feb.13,19--:France Explodes its first atomic bomb in the __________.

Six glasses are in a row. The first three are filled with juice, and the last three are empty. By moving only one glass, can you arrange them so that the full and the empty glasses alternate?

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.

"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."

Feb.10, 19--:The first singing telegram is introduced by the ___________ Co. in New York.

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

Feb.7, 1974 : The island nation of _______ wins independence from ________.

The clever butler needed some extra cash, so he tells his master:
"I know almost every song that has ever been written"

The master laughs at this, but the butler says
"I am willing to bet you a months pay that I can sing a song that you have heard of with the lady's name of your choice in it."

"Deal", says the master. "How about my mother's name, Felicity Jane Ashley?"

And so the bulter sang and earned himself an extra months pay.

What song did he sing?