ochoop17's Blog

What is always coming but never arrives?

A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license.

After looking it over, he said to her, “Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses.”

“Well, I have contacts,” the woman replied.

“Look lady, I don’t care who you know,” snapped the officer. “You’re getting a ticket.”.

Jan. 2, 17--: _________becomes the 4th state to ratify the __________.

What are two things people never eat before breakfast?

A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

Dec.30, 1940: California's first freeway, the ___________ connecting Los Angeles and _________, is opened by Gov. ____________.

What is at the end of a rainbow?

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.
     
      "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
     
      It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
     
      "Counting your ribs," said Eve

Dec. 26, 1933: ______ motor Co. is founded in ______, Japan, as the _______ Manufacturing Co.

I have four wings, but cannot fly, I never laugh and never cry; On the same spot I'm always found, toiling away with little sound. What am I?

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident that theweekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missedthe final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them inseparate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separateroom, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

Dec. 24, 18--: The War of _____ officially ends as the United States and Britain sign the Treaty of _____.

  I can bring tears to your eyes;
resurrect the dead,
make you smile,
and reverse time.
I form in an instant but I last a life time.

What am I?

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.
The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Merv got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" and she replied: "Well, you have no ears." Merv again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses."
Merv was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"
 

Dec.--, 1636: ______________, son of the Emperor, is elected leader of the Romans.