ochoop17's Blog

July 22, 1893:Wellesley College professor __________ visited the summit of ________, where she was inspired to write the original version of her poem " America the _______."

They say it can come from your ears
it can also generate fear
some people love to do it
indirectly some chew it
it's not welcome in a house
it's quiet as a mouse
What, pray tell, can it be?

Drummer problems

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

July 18, 1927: Ty Cobb of the (team)________ doubles off the glove of _________ for his 4000th hit.

Some will use me, while others will not, some have remembered, while  others have forgot. For profit or gain, I'm used expertly, I can't be picked off  the ground or tossed into the sea. Only gained from patience and time, can you  unravel my rhyme?

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter
and says, "Hi . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare I would really rather
have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is
excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur / bodyguard for his 18-year-old nymphomaniac daughter. You will have
to drive around in his Mercedes, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because
of the long hours, meals will be provided. You will be expected to escort her on
her overseas holiday trips. You will have an adjoining room. The starting salary
is $200,000 a year." The guy says, "You are bull<snip>ting me!" The social worker
says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

July 15, 1916: ____________, originally known as Pacific Aero Products Co., was founded in _____.

What do people make that you can't see?

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.






You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinking?

July 11, 19-- : The Rolling  Stones played their first-ever gig at ________ in London.

What falls but doesn't break, and what breaks but doesn't fall?

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 AM.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your pants.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead and knees.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

July 9,1918: The _______________ was established by an Act of Congress.

When do dogs have 16 legs?

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic Church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either.