ochoop17's Blog

July 5, _____: William ______ founded the _______ Army in London.

What word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?

An old lady came into her doctor's office and confessed to an
embarrassing problem: "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but
they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here,
I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Barker. Take these pills three times a
day for seven days and come back and see me
in a week." The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr.
Johnson's office:"Doctor,I don't know what was in
those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, and
they're still soundless, but now they smell terrible! What do you
have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Barker," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've
fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."

July 2, 1937: Aviator _________ and navigator ___________ disappeared over the ______ Ocean while attempting to make the first round the world flight along the _______.

The Pope has it but he does not use it. Your father has it but your mother uses it. Nuns do not need it. Your sister's husband has it and she uses it. What is it?

Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?". The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city Taxi driver for 14 years" "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord." St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?" He responds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord". "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter." "Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden  scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?". "Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a  performance scale, you see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!"

June 28, 17_: The Revolutionary War battle of ________ took place in New Jersey; it was from this battle that the legend of " ________" arose.

Why wasn't Bertha put in jail after killing dozens of people?

A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

June 25, 1876: Native American forces led by _________ and _________ defeated the U. S. Army troop of  Lt. Col. ____________ in a battle near Montana's _________ River.

Kathy and Suzy are having a conversation during there lunch break. Kathy asks, "So, Suzy, how's your sex life these days?" Suzy replies, "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind." "Social Security?" Kathy asked quizzically. "Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on."

What word in the English language uses all five vowels plus Y in alphabetical order and uses each one only once?

June 22, 19--: President Franklin Roosevelt signed the __________________, more popularly known as the "GI Bill of Rights."

Knock knock
Who's there
A little girl
A little girl who
A little girl who can't reach the doorbell

Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I?