ochoop17's Blog

June 20, _____:A jury in _____, Mass., found __________not guilty of the ax murders of her father and ______.

Fellow 1 : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."

Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"

Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

June 17, 1885: The ___________arrived in the New York Harbor aboard the French ship _____.

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."

When is a door not a door?

June 14, 1952: President Harry S. Truman officiated at the keel- laying of the nuclear-powered submarine ___________ in ________, Conn.

Where is my residence?

There once was a wealthy man who faithfully attended mass at his local church.

When his time came, and he passed on to heaven, he was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. However, St. Peter made the man wait.

The man asked, "Why must I wait? I was faithful about going to church AND I was an important person on Earth."

St. Peter said, "Well, we are readying your residence."

Off in the distance, as far as the eye could see, was fabulous mansion after fabulous mansion.

St. Peter finally let the man in and began walking with him past all of the beautiful homes, each one more beautiful than the previous one.

Turning a corner, St. Peter said, "This one is yours."

The newcomer asked, "But this is a dilapidated shack. Why do I get this?"

St. Peter replied, "Sir, you did earn great wealth on Earth, however, this was the best we could do with the money YOU contributed to the weekly offering during your lifetime."

You approach two talking doors. One door leads to the City of Truth, while the other door leads to the City of Liars. You do not know which door is which. You are able to ask only one question to determine which door is which. The door that leads to the City of Liars always speaks lies, while the door that leads to the City of Truth always speaks the truth. You want to go to the City of Truth. What question do you ask to determine which door leads to the City of Truth?

June 10, 1935: ___________was founded in _____, Ohio by Dr. Robert Holbrook Smith and William Griffith ______.

Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that day, he asked his son if he got one. Matt enthusiastically announced that he had. 'I play a man who's been married for twenty years.' 'That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part.'

Two fathers and two sons sat down to eat eggs for breakfast. They ate exactly three eggs, each person had an egg. The riddle is for you to explain how

June 9, 19__: _______________was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to be the first female Treasurer of the United States.

 "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
     
      "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"
     
      "I know all that."
     
      "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
     
      "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

How many sides has a circle?