ochoop17's Blog

What is at the end of a rainbow?

Nov. 4, 1862: Inventor _________receives a U.S. patent for his rapid fire _______ gun.

A man went up to the barman and ordered a drink. With his drink, the barman gave him a bowl of peanuts, and from the bowl of peanuts the man heard a voice say, "I think you look great." But the man just ignored it. Then the man went over to the cigarette machine, put his money in and got nothing out. He heard a voice from the machine say, "I have never seen such an ugly face." At this point, the man was confused, so he told the barman about the voices, and the barman said, "The bowl of peanuts was complimentary, but the cigarette machine is just out of order."

Why is the letter "A" like noon?

Nov. 1, 18--: The United States ______ Bureau makes its first meteorological observations.

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

I can be cracked, I can be made. I can be told, I can be played.

Oct.29,1940:Secretary of _________ Henry L. ________ draw the first number ___ in America's first peacetime military draft.

It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed". This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked. "No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

I'm where yesterday follows today, and tomorrow's in the middle.  What am I?

Oct. 26, 1825: The _____ canal opens in upstate _______, connecting _______and the _____ River.

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

What is the next letter in the series: "B, C, D, E, G, ..."? And Why?

Oct. 23, 19--: Tens of thousands of women march in _________, demanding the right to ____.

A weathly husband and wife go out for the evening. Before they leave, they give their live-in butler the night off. Midway through their dinner, they get into a fight, and the wife leaves in their car. She comes home, bolts the door behind her and stampedes into the living room where she finds the butler on the couch, watching TV. She gets between him and the TV, turns it off, and then turns around to face him. In a very low, even, controlled voice, she says to him: "Jeeves, I want you to unzip my dress and take it off." And he does. Then she says to him: "Jeeves, I want you to unclip my garters and roll down my stockings." And he does. Then she says to him: "Jeeves, I want you to reach around and unclasp my bra." And he does. Finally, she says: "Jeeves, I want you to take off my panties. And if I EVER CATCH YOU IN MY CLOTHES AGAIN...."